On Fakin' It

At the minute I have a little more time for indoor pursuits, as I fight off a 21st Century incarnation of the Bubonic Plague which one of the tatertots brought home from the Petri dish that is pre-school.

And The Maid is busy watching channels I didn’t even realize we had (The Oprah Channel, Glee Channel, Neurotic-Twenty-Somethings-Work-at-the-Hospital Channel and the Neurotic-Twenty-Somethings-Live-in-an-Apartment-in-the-Big-City re-runs Channel).

So I have time on my hands to read.

And while reading something that a colleague tapped out, I started thinking … an ailment that can usually be cured by applying liquor.

So after a couple of beverages from Jim and Dr Cooper (not necessarily in that order), it occurs to me that there is a heck of a lot of fake stuff here on The Island. (Cue Nagging Doubt #1.)

On the weekend I’m at the science park (I was lost, I thought the sign said Jurassic Park … to be fair, there was a forty-foot tall T-Rex that sent the tatertots scurrying when it bent down and had a gentle roar). And at one interactive exhibit I’m watching the Singapore FD teach islanders how to put out a fire. With an eFire. Yep a virtual fire is blazing away, threatening to engulf the entire … TV screen. Which is mounted into what appears to be an old Atari Centipede chassis. The terrified islanders are being trained on how to correctly aim the extinguisher … with its virtual CO2. (Cue Nagging Doubt #2.)

And meanwhile on Fantasy Island which is the small fake island for the filthy rich islanders, there is the virtual wave. (Cue Nagging Doubt #3.)

And recently opened is a fake Casino (you can't drink at the tables). (Cue Growing Panic #1.)

And when you get used to a nice old joint here on the Island, it gets knocked down and built into something that looks exactly like the place next door...

And like the place across the road...

(Holy homogenous hitchin’ post, Batman!)

We’ve seen this movie before.

And thus I came to work out that I am on some twisted version of The Truman Show.

And what worries me most is that is clear that the Creatives behind the series on which I am participating are running out of ideas.

Usually this is about when the main character dies in the next episode.

See you.

Bye.

On Stacks ... or Stacks On

It could well be illegal to work hard on The Island.

Which is why I’m doing a lot more cruising than carving on my 42” longboard as the designated First Aid Officer for the tatertots, who are wobbling their treadlies down the shared walk/run/cycle/rollerblade/hovercraft/pet-menagerie connector to the beach.

Apparently clear instructions from adult First Aid Officers like “push back on the pedals to stop” are somehow lost in translation on the way to a tiny mind. Said instruction apparently means “take both feet off the pedals, splay legs at right angles to the bike, and wobble directly at the frail old lady with the walking frame”. Mind you, I can’t really blame the little spuds. Not sure that I’d pay all that much credence to a fat guy in a Ramones t-shirt on a board that is the width of a Twinkie.

But credit must be given to the hard workers.

And one of those is coming the in the other direction.

Downunder we have Jim’s Mowing. It’s a venerable franchise involving people towing trailers full of mowers, grass cuttings and the paraphernalia that is required to tidy a lawn or garden.

So now picture all of those tools and that machinery … on a bicycle. We’re talking a most impressive balance of a mower, grass catcher, leaf blower, box of assorted hand tools (and gloves) and a rake. On a bike. Feller pedaling along as if it is perfectly normal.

Now before y’all start to espouse about the size of a Aussie backyard versus one on the Island, let’s just agree that Fu’s Feng Shui Garden Services are saving a lot of money and getting quite a few more carbon credits than Jim is.